Something didn't feel right.

It's funny how some things just don't sit right in the heart. Now that I've heard the conspiracy theories I know why the news irritated me when I wrote the following thoughts:

"Is it just cynicism that makes me feel the American response is overkill, or is it the media quest for sensation? I am sensitive to the great despair, but the impression left by the media coverage is that no other nation ever had anything so bad happen to them. When Saddam was killing off the marsh Arabs, and other genocide stories hit the news, the US officials, the United Nations, and the world in general seemed largely detached. May be the response to 9/11 was so phenomenal because the World Trade Centre affected the economy of so many nations; also it gets the peoples attention when a bomb is dropped in their own backyard. I find that disturbing. Not only the Americans, but we all lean toward indifference until the unthinkable hits close to home." We also tend to leave social problems for others to deal with.

After viewing many videos on YouTube about 9/11 being an inside job, and showing how propaganda was used to stir up fear in the people so they would support a war on terrorism, I realized it was the propaganda that didn't sit right in my heart. It was scary to realize that the same tactics used by Hitler to achieve his agenda were being used by the Bush administration. But one might ask why destroy your own financial center? The underlying plan for the final stages of 'The New World Order' required a war in Iraq, to have control over an oil pipeline there; so they needed and excuse to declare war on them.

I know that sounds outrageous, but so does the building of prison camps on American soil, to deal with those who oppose the coming dictatorship. The videos are really scary, and make you realize that the horrors of World War II are going to be repeated if people don't rise up and fight the loss of their freedom. Fema is prepared for martial law: makes you think of the many dissenters at different times in world history, who were the enemy of the ruling elites plans; labelled as criminals, and savages, who were suppressed or killed legally by the law and military might of the day.

The unthinkable has florished under our noses all along, unnoticed by those who are not privy to the plans of empire building. The people have been dumbed down with tradition, patriotism, and conditioning; all leading to a false sense of security. Some people saw passed this programmed view of the world; the 60's & 70's saw an awareness stirring among the people. The 'Hippy' generation examined everything they were taught to believe; some even went to jail for not paying taxes in protest of the war machine.

I recall a couple of radical incidents aimed at Corporate America: the kidnapping of Patty Hearst, daughter of the newspaper baron, Randolf Hearst. Then there was the murder of the Folger's heiress, at the house of Sharon Tate, and the threat of Charles Manson to kill the families of the corporate elite. Though he recognized who was in control of the country, his methods to illiminate them couldn't be accepted by a civilized world.

He may have manipulated his followers, but he was just crazy to reasonable people who had never heard of him or what he knew. The quest for world domination is a sociopathic agenda
that breeds programs like Hitler's "Final Solution." It is not reasonable, and no matter who you are, if you stand in the way of those who have been working toward ruling the world you get illiminated. George Orwell hit the nail on the head in his novel "1984." We all thought he was just exposing the evils of Communism, but he was referring to all dictatorship, including the coming "New World Order" that we first heard of in a speech by George Bush Sr.

It's hard to wrap your brain around the social engineering of world terrorism and the global economic crisis, as tools to incite fear and great insecurity to lead people into accepting a one world order as a solution to our ills. Secret meetings, attended by the elite, and world leaders are used to work out the step by step details: one being the SPP, which is the merging of Canada, the US, and Mexico. The currency is already being made, called the Amero--the same principle as the Euro--it will mean the loss of national sovereignty, and give free access for America to Canadian and Mexican resources.

If this is all new to anyone who reads this, they can be excused for thinking I'm a crackpot, but the internet is a great resource for seekers of truth. Until now it has been relatively uncensored, but that is beginning to change. Check out what I'm saying while you still can.

Contemplation on life.

Words are like slippy little fish when you try to grasp them with your hands; threads of thought are swimming around in my waking consciousness, making it difficult to concentrate on what I wanted to write about. Maybe it's due to the conflicting priorities that confront me with Christmas being only three days away.

I noticed on my Google home page that the whole of Canada is covered in a blanket of snow, on this official beginning of winter. It's like many prayers for a white Christmas were answered. It just adds to the pressure of my conflicting priorities, but I don't want to go there this morning.

My waking thoughts were a result of the many hours spent editing my YouTube favorites page. When I first started to save videos on my account I suddenly got a little paranoid of making myself a target for being a potential troublemaker; the old radical spirit was like a dried up old prune. The messages of the videos are radical and make you question everything we thought we know about life. Many suspicions I had in the 70's are being confirmed, and things I believed were myth are now being presented as believable. This is confusing for a Christian, but some of these wacky sounding things give possible answers to the confusing images presented in the book of Revelation.

It was my son's trepidation about these 'tell it like it is' videos that made me stop and think about what I was doing; it's not like him to shrink from the truth, but this all sounded like an ominous omen to him--which it is--and he doesn't want to focus on what he can't change. The thought that got me though is that the only way evil can win is if good people do nothing. The call of Ezekiel came back to me: he was to be a watchman, and to blow the trumpet when he saw danger approaching. If people didn't want to listen to him, and they died because of it, then the blood was on their own head. But if he saw danger and didn't warn people, then he would be held accountable for their blood, because he gave them no chance to escape.

After suffering an unexpected heart attack, and having emergency bypass surgery, there is no guarantee for longevity in this body; I figure coming out of it means I still have a mission to complete. Having the internet makes it easier to reach many more people than I ever could in the physical world. The beauty of this is that there are so many that are blowing the trumpet, and the world economic crisis is driving people to understand what is happening. So I threw caution to the wind, and started to accumulate the works of these trumpet blowers that couldn't be denied. This is the stuff that gets overpowering if not taken in small doses.

Once my eyes had been opened to the truth of what the new world order was all about, and had time to let it sink in, I started to look for solution oriented videos; after all the book of Revelation tells us that good wins over evil. In the meantime a great deception will blind humanity to what is going on. So I have been editing my favorites page, to weed out 'new age' thinking, as it is part of the deception. The idea is to present the works of those who are revealing things we need to consider as the signs of the last days pass under our noses: not to convince people, just to open their eyes. It will be up to them if they want to believe what is presented. If I was raised from the operating table to sound the alarm, just like Ezekiel, then this new lease on life will have counted for something.

If this contemplation has piqued your curiosity check out my page: http://www.youtube.com/rookycybernerd

All of this has affected the rewriting of my book, Beam me up Lord, which I am posting on my other Google blog: http://patdysonsblog.blogspot.com . The only thing I dislike about doing it this way is that the entries are listed backwards; so that it opens with the last post. To read it as a book you must go into the archive and start with the introduction. It's a bit inconvenient, but I hope it wont put serious readers off.

On days like today.

I don't know if I'm just getting old, or if I'm dying. Like the old house beside the canal in St. Peter's, Cape Breton Island, NS. On days like today I recall reading a pamphlet on the stages of dying, when my mom was in paliative care for the last week of her life.

The pamphlet said that in the first stage you just don't want to do things you would normally enjoy, which explained why she didn't want to come to the phone and talk whenever I called, in the last few weeks before dad took her to the hospital.

Since I came back to Toronto, to spend more time with her while I still could, it has been a real struggle to make ends meet. There is no money for enjoying being back in the city, let alone to socialize. My only social activity is blogging. This was dropped on me when someone asked why I keep going back to freewebs, to put up with the Christian bashing. I answered honestly, when I explained that I had made many friends, and sometimes I could help some people out by answering questions about things I knew the answers to. But, as I included in the comment, it was my social life. How pathetic that must sound.

Another truth is that while blogging I don't think about things that would make me depressed. That is a God send: we don't tend to think of our own troubles if we are sensitive to the poor mental state of others, and can give them a word of encouragement. How odd it is to reach out when one is hurting, to comfort someone else; for it lifts your own spirits. Maybe that is one of the reasons that it is better to give than receive, as Jesus said.

There are many creative things I used to enjoy doing, which I can't be bothered with anymore, and I'm pretty well a recluse; going out only when I have to, but I'm glad I still enjoy reading and being online. So I guess I'm not ready to give up the ghost yet, even though sometimes I get tired of the struggle and think about what a relief it would be to go home to be with the Lord. It is usually only a fleeting thought, and because I still wake up in the morning there is something yet for me to accomplish before my time is due.

The Sociopaths Among Us.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm drawn to certain books. If there is any validity in the idea of how we decorate our place; or the pets we choose; and how we dress, then the books we are drawn to say a lot about us too. The subject of psychology, especially abnormal psychology, has always intrigued me.

I started to read about psychology at first to understand myself. I was really messed up when my husband deserted me. and blamed myself; I wanted to find out what was wrong with me.

This was '62, the year our second son was born. For some reason Freud caught my attention while I was at the library; having always been an avid reader, and learning much from books. His theories were surprising, and caused much painful soulsearching, but I got tired of his preoccupation with sex; something was missing from the picture he painted. It wasn't long after that when the Manson family made the news. I bought the book, 'Helter-Skelter'; written by the man who invesigated the case; if memory serves me well. I grew up with the stories of Jack the Ripper, and Sweenie Todd; I thought this book may shed some light on what makes people seriel killers. But it didn't satisfactorally answer the question of how someone could manipulate others to do their bidding.

What made people tick made me curious. I think my study of Astrology was originally for the purpose of understanding myself, and others. Considering how important relationships are to human beings; as essential as breathing, learning how to relate and deal with other people was something to be desired.

I was really pleased that Psych 101 was a required subject in the course I chose to take as a mature student, in '85. In the second year Consumer Psychology was an option, which I jumped on. I even borrowed another course textbook from one of my professors, to get more understanding of how the brain worked. At the time I was interested in studying how it might relate to my studies of Astrology; I knew Jung used it in his practice. What I wanted to know was which planets influenced the different parts of the brain; that hadn't been done yet.

This is an ongoing process, even to psychologists who do the studies, and write the books. At the moment I'm learning that Sociopathy cannot come up with answers to several disturbing questions. It seems that sociapaths are invisible, except if caught doing a crime, and many are too smart; or not criminally inclined. They are like fingerprints, individual; nothing outwardly gives them away. Like everyone else, they generally dress, and live a lifestyle that everyone sees as respectable; like the mask we all wear when we create a persona from which we can deal with other people. The scary thing is that 1 in 25 people are sociopaths, which means they have no conscience and can do whatever they want without any guilt feelings; it makes you think twice about the seemingly cold, heartless people you know.

What I like about this book, 'the socipath next door' by martha stout, ph.d. is that it is written to help us recognize them, so we can avoid becoming victims. The disturbing thing is that as I read the case stories it reminds me of people I know, some related by blood, which explains some of the behaviour that has often puzzled me. I'm only halfway through the book, and I'm really hoping she comes up with some effective ways of dealing with these 'loved ones.' So I'm eager to finish reading this book; so much so that it's actually distracting.

For now it is believed that there is no cure. Another disturbing thought is noticing some of my own anti-social behavior along the way; what's the old saying, "It takes one, to know one!" It certainly takes personal experience to empathize with others. Still I wonder if I were one of those born with a predisposition, who became relatively normal because of positive early bonding with loving caregivers. And so the quest for understanding continues.

A slave to your game.

I've been thinking about this new entry for a few days, but haven't been able to tear myself away from blogging on freewebs open forums. Fact is, I have become a slave to to it.

If obsessions, and addictions are equal to slavery, then I have become a slave to what was intended to be my ministry. The site itself hasn't been updated for about two months; having to answer a pile of private messages from website friends has become tiring; especially those who seem to need a lot of attention, and send emails as well.

It's possibly only being thoughtful, as I get add ons, which she thinks will interest me; however, she sent a really nice story that turned out to be a chain letter. I hate chain letters. Lately I haven't even gone to my email inbox. It reminds me of an article I read about internet protocal; i.e. manners expected on email. One was answering promptly. This problem lies in the number of friends you make after starting sites to socialize. The more friends you have the less attention you spend with each one, as you have to deal with each individually online. I suppose that's why chatboxes are so popular, but from what I've seen of them I find them inane.

For me the obsession is the open forums; especially 'rants & raves' that is the hottest topics. The comments can be reasonably long, and there is a lot of spiritual warfare going on there.

Something about the battle has infected my being; I enjoy bantering with the Christian bashers. I like wielding words, and picking apart the notions of those who aim criticism, and ignorant remarks, at those who are just trying to take the 'good news' to the world; as Jesus commanded.

The major instigator of the attacks on Christian forum sites is actually a very bitter 'once Christian' individual, who has turned to mysticism and occult practices. He reminds me of the ancient Israelites who turned their backs on God. I believe they and alla have something in common; some very desperate prayers were not answered and they lost trust in God's promises. I have even seen it in my own son; they don't want to disbelieve the existence of God, or Jesus, but they put their faith in worldly methods to get what they want, and are resentful that their prayers were not answered.

He has become very legalistic, and denies the name Jesus as being the actual name of the messiah, 'the Christ', because of the translations of language. Also he accuses all those who believe in 'the name' Jesus of being anti-Christ, or followers of Satan. The image that westerners use to depict Jesus, is the foundation for his false Christ theory. It's pretty safe to assume that it's Jesus he is actually striking out at. The followers are simply pawns in his well thought out plan to take over the forums, and drive the Christian presence away from them.

I cannot just let him do that. He doesn't want impressionable minds converted to Christianity.

At the moment alla is posting filthy spam, saying I encouraged CAoD to create such spam, but he only does it where I post, to I have to remove myself from serious threads. I will start another thread where I can do battle with alla. I am getting antsy to finish this, and move on with this idea.

The radical in my spirit is fighting back for the freedom of speech: to shed light on ignorance, and rebut propoganda whenever I see it. Alla if fighting back with a smear campaign, against me; he has litterally said I am his next target. He is so proud of the idea that he brought down CAod, but they still have a presence here; and keeping a low profile--just like alla did when we thought he had been dumped.

He doesn't intimidate me anymore. Having some experience with his modus operendi, and my new study of the sociopaths among us, it fairly easy to see what his game is now. Funny thing is that many of the old Christian posters, are not posting anymore. It would seem that the skeptics are also getting bolder, and increasing their own attacks; fortunately, many are more curious than simply hostile.

The Bat Cave

For awhile last month it looked like my web friends and I needed a private place to communicate freely, away from the prying eyes of alla-1331, over on the Freewebs sites. It was all very exciting, like Christians in hiding from the oppressors. The concern was that even private messages could be hacked.

I suddenly remembered that I had this pretty dead site, which could serve as a secret 'Bat Cave' where I could leave notes for my friends until the situation was resolved. The picture in the left margin below the poll, became a symbol for this place. It is a house I rented in Rosseau, overlooking the lake, and it actually had bats in the attic. Little did I know the picture would be used on the net; I had intended to do a painting, but I seem to have lost all ambition to paint. It's just so nice to have my own pictures to illustrate my posts, but at the moment my Kaspersky security software is not letting me download on a post. I really have to learn how to train it. It wont let me answer site comments from my gmail inbox either; to get around that I have to go the long route of going to the site where the comment came from.

This little post is just to explain the picture for those who get that far down the page.

Too many irons in the fire

As I face the task of organizing the information for all my websites I recall my trepidation about hooking up to the internet. I suspected it could soak up a lot of time. If I had known just how true that was I may still have been offline.

My biggest headache though is rummaging through my notes to find the usernames, and passwords that go with each site. I finally went out and bought two new notebooks to get this information organized, and to log what I wrote; and where I wrote it. This will help me link them all together. If I've already written about the topic on my mind, it makes more sense to include a link to the original article, than to waste space and time repeating myself.

In the process of doing this I find there is an email address I created, but never used; a couple of websites I forgot about; and no recorded passwords on some. It's so easy to get into this blog site as I only have to click on my Google accounts. I had to hunt down my url for this site once before; I think I stored the info when it was emailed to me--in my favorites--for a time such as this. I have a new blog entry on Freewebs, in which I refer to 'the joy and frustration of blogging' (two articles on this site), to finish it all that has to be done is include the url.

Another reason I want to link my sites is for traffic. Since none of my sites are business sites it's not to generate revenue. Two of my sites are so busy they'll keep me occupied all day, other sites are so dead they need some life pumped into them. This site is one of them. I find myself wondering if I'm that boring, or if different hosted communities have different attitudes about leaving comments. For instance; on my Gallery-Workshop, which is around two and a half years old, I only got one comment; it was from a friend who did me a favor to see if the url was working. I got two here from the same person, because I left a comment on his site. I know the gallery-workshop is not a dead site as it gets hits all the time.

I can see now how this can actually work for me: I don't need anymore cyber-friends, it takes days sometimes to answer the comments from the friends I already have; it's my reason for having so many sites that is important. The Gallery-Workshop is to use my art archive to give free drawing lessons; plus there is clip art, and coloring pictures that can be printed out free. Pictures hog the disc space, and not being able to upgrade there is no room to expand, except to include YouTube videos that demonstrate things I have no room to do myself. That is a God send, as my net activities give me no time to do it all myself anyway.

There is some writing at the Gallery, and a link to my first site, which I can no longer edit; I can't access it. It has my Road to Damascus testimony, the clip art and free Disney character coloring pictures, which is what some people would be going there for. It is surprising how often you can help someone by sending them to another site. The group I belong to on LiveJournal is a drawing crowd. My sites at Google's Blogger are for my writing. I have one more, which is the hog for my attention.

The newest and busiest is on Freewebs: it was started as a place to published the Christian triva crossword puzzles I plan to create. I finally got a free download software program that would help me make them. As it turned out, I got a couple in a file on the site, but couldn't get the interactive one downloaded to the page. I almost gave the site up, but discovered the very active open forums. I like that there are lots of Christians there, with enough opposition that they get to excercise their faith muscles. There are several blog entries that cover this: http://www.freewebs.com/christiancrossword.

I'm abstaining from the forums for awhile to catch up on some neglected things: one of which is to print out some crossword puzzles, now that I have ink in the printer; then scan them into 'My Pictures' and download them as JPEGs. I only hope they come out page size. The activity on the forums is very addictive, so it could be hard to resist for a week; forunately there is a lot to be done, so the time will pass quickly.